


Ashes

by brokenstanzas



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Drug Abuse, Homophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4338737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenstanzas/pseuds/brokenstanzas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wrong. That’s the word others used to describe Kyungsoo and Jongin’s relationship. The two of them are wrong. They’re disgusting, vile, filthy, and just… just plain <i>wrong</i>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ashes

**ashes.  
** exo: kaisoo!pairing. pg-13. angst. 2.5k~ words.  


 

* 

 

Acrid, pungent, musty, bitter.  
  
Jongin lifts the stick of cigarette between his fingers up to his lips and inhales. It stings. Jongin coughs. He tries again. This time, it takes the pain away.  
  
Burning rubber. It smells like burning rubber.

 

 

Wrong. That’s the word others used to describe Kyungsoo and Jongin’s relationship. The two of them are wrong. They’re disgusting, vile, filthy, and just… just plain _wrong_. Kyungsoo has an older brother, so his parents don’t care, Seungsoo can continue the family name. Their family can afford to have one fuck up. Jongin’s family, can’t. He has two older sisters who will be married off in the next couple of years and that’s it. He’s their family’s only boy. Too bad he has a boyfriend. Jongin’s father thinks it’s Kyungsoo’s fault his son is gay. Jongin is perfect, their family’s perfect little boy. He can’t be gay. He’s perfect. Perfect little Jongin. Kyungsoo is a terrible influence and a troublemaker. Jongin disagrees. Jongin believes he’s far from perfect. Kyungsoo though, Kyungsoo is. He’s all that is right in the world. He’s beautiful, kind, patient and intelligent. Kyungsoo makes him feel good, makes him feel happy and that’s what matters most. Jongin doesn’t let what other people think get to him at all, not his family’s and not his friends’. With Kyungsoo, Jongin is free.

 

 

“Don’t you think that Jongin kid is kinda weird? He keeps staring at you.”  
  
Kyungsoo stops picking at his lunch and takes a quick glance at the freshman his friend Dylan is talking about. Kyungsoo shrugs and goes back to poking his food.  
  
“Whatever.”

 

 

Jongin is strong a believer of love at first sight and knew Kyungsoo was the one for him the moment he laid eyes on the scowling sophomore. Jongin was on his way to the cafeteria when he heard the first couple chords of his favourite song. Curious, Jongin stopped walking and took a peek through the opened door of the music room. Jongin didn’t know who Kyungsoo was back then, but something about Kyungsoo’s tough demeanor intrigued Jongin. Kyungsoo was practicing for the school’s talent show when his friend’s finger slipped and played the wrong chord. Kyungsoo kicked his friend on the shins and rolled his eyes when his friend rubbed the sore spot dramatically. Jongin couldn’t keep his eyes off of Kyungsoo and remained fixed in his spot by the doorway, staring through the open crack and wishing the door was opened wider. When Kyungsoo opened his mouth and started singing the first verse to Ed Sheeran’s “Photograph”, Jongin felt his heart skip a beat.

 

 

Piercing, sharp, penetrating, ear-splitting.  
  
Jongin hides under the covers while his parents toss profanities at one another. He calls Kyungsoo, breathless and hiccupping. Kyungsoo sings him a lullaby.  
  
Angel. He sounds like an angel.

 

 

School doesn’t agree with Kyungsoo, but music does. Kyungsoo never got good grades, always barely scraping by and doing just well enough to pass. Numbers made his head hurt and literature caused his eyes to go blurry, but musical notations came easy. Everything else simply confused the raven haired boy. It bothered Kyungsoo during his elementary years and middle school days, but not anymore. Kyungsoo learned how to take things as they come and accepts that he’ll never do well in school. He’s not stupid, the subjects they teach just don’t click in his head. Jongin can take care of all that. Jongin is socially awkward and his limbs seem to have a mind of their own, but Kyungsoo finds that endearing more than anything. Jongin’s studying prowess and ability to complete advanced calculus questions in minutes make up for his inability to form coherent sentences when he’s nervous.

 

 

Jongin takes in a deep breath, sighs and rolls over onto his back.  
  
“Stop sighing, I can’t concentrate. Not everyone is a math genius like you okay?” Kyungsoo’s brows are furrowed, but his voice is even. Kyungsoo is frustrated, but not mad.  
  
The younger pouts and holds his breath.

 

 

Kyungsoo holds Jongin’s hand like he never wants to let go and kisses Jongin like he doesn’t need air. Jongin used to blush and bite his lips after Kyungsoo kissed him good morning in the halls of their high school, but he’s grown accustomed to it now. People would stare, point and whisper, but that only served to make Kyungsoo want to shower Jongin with even more affection. Kyungsoo would caress Jongin’s cheeks with his hands and kiss him again, harder. He’d press his thick lips against Jongin’s pillowy soft ones until they were swollen and chapped. The bell would ring and Kyungsoo would groan in annoyance at the shrill sound. People start rushing, lockers slam open and shut. Jongin would flinch and Kyungsoo would kiss Jongin’s lips one last time before stepping back. They’d walk towards Jongin’s homeroom together hand in hand, ignoring the nasty looks sent their way. Jongin always felt empty when he walked into the classroom without Kyungsoo next to him. He’d grab a seat with a frown on his face and would watch as Kyungsoo gave him one last look before shoving his hands into his pockets and turning around to get to his own classroom.

 

 

Sugary, honeyed, saccharine, sickly.  
  
The candy in Jongin’s mouth gets gross after a while. He shows Kyungsoo the bottle he found on Kyungsoo’s desk, thinking the candy may have expired. The older panics.  
  
Sweet. It tastes a little too sweet.

 

 

The first time Jongin saw Kyungsoo blazing was by accident. He wanted to surprise the older and dropped by unannounced. He approached Kyungsoo’s room with a giant smile plastered on his face, only for the smile to disappear when his nose was met with a burning scent. Worried, Jongin pushed Kyungsoo’s door open and choked when his lungs began to fill up with the thick smoke that surrounded the room. Kyungsoo’s heavy lids snapped open at the sound of Jongin’s voice. He crushed the blunt in his hands and shoved the bits and pieces of weed under his pillow. Kyungsoo knows that Jongin isn’t stupid, but he didn’t want Jongin to see it. If he doesn’t see it, maybe he can pretend this never happened. Pretend he didn’t see yet another blemish in Kyungsoo’s life. At first, Jongin thought a fire may have broken out in his boyfriend’s room, but when he took in another breath, he realized what the scent was. Jongin himself doesn’t really have an opinion about marijuana use and already knows that Kyungsoo smokes, but his best friend, Aiden, is against any form of drug abuse. Jongin’s circle of friends already hate Kyungsoo enough as it is, this will only provide them with more fuel to shoot Kyungsoo with. Kyungsoo’s eyes were bloodshot. Jongin feigned ignorance.

 

 

Kyungsoo’s voice cracks.  
  
The audience doesn’t seem to notice, but Kyungsoo is absolutely mortified. He stumbles over the next couple of words until he spots Jongin cheering him on.  
  
The singing continues.

 

 

Kyungsoo plays an important role in Jongin’s life and Jongin plays a large role in Kyungsoo’s. While no relationship is perfect, the two of them make it work. Kyungsoo’s rough edges are smoothed out by Jongin’s own, and Jongin’s missing puzzle pieces are found and locked in place by Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo gets angry easily, and has what others call violent tendencies, but a soft tug on his shirt from Jongin stops him from doing something he’ll regret. Jongin’s caring smile always calms him down. Likewise, Jongin gets nervous around strangers and hates loud noises, but the tightening of Kyungsoo’s grip on his hand helps him through the stuttering and a strong embrace comforts him. They compliment each other and together, Kyungsoo and Jongin make up for the things they lack individually. Kyungsoo is allergic to flowers, but loves blue roses. Jongin dried an entire bouquet's worth for their first anniversary and placed them in a glass bottle. Kyungsoo would lie down in bed whenever he couldn’t sleep, turning the bottle around in his hands as he counted the petals. Jongin is lactose intolerant, but loves ice cream. Kyungsoo searched online for a recipe using almond milk and underwent an entire week’s worth of trial and error before matching the flavour with the store bought ones Jongin loves so much. Kyungsoo’s lips were pressed together in a straight line when Jongin showed off Kyungsoo’s tender gesture animatedly to his friends, but was secretly glad his hard work made Jongin so happy.

 

 

Bright, blinding, shining, glaring.  
  
Jongin tries his best to keep his eyes open, but they start to squint on their own. Kyungsoo is silent during the entirety of Jongin’s check up, but his presence is comforting.  
  
Harsh. The light he sees is harsh.

 

 

Jongin wasn’t surprised when he was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. His father was angry and his mother cried, but he wasn’t the least bit shocked. His father blamed Kyungsoo for it though. Blamed him for turning his son gay and making him autistic. He kicked Kyungsoo out of the hospital room and threatened to sue the doctor if he sent the papers to Jongin’s school. When they got home, Jongin told his father that having Asperger’s syndrome is different from being autistic, but was told to shut up and get his retarded ass into his room. Jongin snuck out for the first time in his life. His legs found their way to Kyungsoo’s house, but Jongin didn’t want to be a bother. He fell asleep on his boyfriend’s lawn and received a scolding from said boyfriend the next morning. Kyungsoo forced Jongin into his house to get cleaned up and shower. They can afford to miss one day of school. When Jongin stepped out of the washroom dressed in Kyungsoo’s clothes, his head was hanging down in embarrassment. Kyungsoo couldn’t help but laugh at how his t-shirt barely covered Jongin’s torso and how his sweatpants hung above Jongin’s ankles. Jongin frowned and Kyungsoo kissed the frown marring Jongin’s face away.

 

 

Jongin is playing with the hem of his shirt again.  
  
“Jongin, babe you’re going to ruin your new shirt.” Kyungsoo places his rough hands over Jongin’s soft ones and runs his thumbs up and down soothingly.  
  
The twisting and pulling stops.

 

 

The rain outside continued to pour as Jongin and Kyungsoo huddled up close to one another. They could hear Kyungsoo’s friends complaining in the tent next to theirs and chuckled when Dylan’s girlfriend shrieked at the discovery of a bug. Kyungsoo asked Jongin if he was afraid of anything and pulled him closer when Jongin shook his head. Kyungsoo doesn’t actually need to ask Jongin about his fears to know that Jongin isn’t a big fan of loud noises. Kyungsoo isn’t an idiot, he’s noticed how uneasy Jongin gets when too many people are talking at once and has seen Jongin flinch when someone slams a door closed at school. Kyungsoo knows more about Jongin than Jongin gives him credit for, but that’s okay because Kyungsoo is sure that Jongin is more perceptive than he gives the younger credit for as well. Jongin was asking Kyungsoo a question about the camping grounds when Kyungsoo moved his hands up to caress the back of Jongin’s head. Jongin was confused at first, but was glad that Kyungsoo acted so quickly. Kyungsoo saw it before he heard it, pressing a soft kiss against the top of Jongin’s head as a loud rumble shook the earth. Jongin had whimpered and pressed his face against Kyungsoo’s chest. Kyungsoo spent the rest of the night stroking Jongin’s back and singing the lyrics to all of Jongin’s favourite songs. Jongin fell asleep to the sound of Kyungsoo velvety voice. Kyungsoo fell asleep to the beautiful rhythm of his and Jongin’s heartbeats beating in tandem.

 

 

Sleek, smooth, fine, silky.  
  
Jongin runs his hands through Kyungsoo’s freshly dyed hair and grins. Red brings out the coffee brown in Kyungsoo’s eyes.  
  
Soft. Kyungsoo’s hair feels so soft.

 

 

Kyungsoo finally told Jongin he loved him two years into their relationship. Jongin knew Kyungsoo was telling the truth, but was still worried. Worried that Kyungsoo loved him now, but wouldn’t be able to stand him as their relationship progressed. Kyungsoo rid Jongin of all his worries with a self-composed song dedicated to the younger. Jongin realized that despite his flaws, despite his weird nature, awkward tendencies and meltdowns, Kyungsoo adored him. Kyungsoo was like a pillar in Jongin’s life. Kyungsoo protected Jongin from harm, provided him with comfort and showered him with affection. In turn, Jongin gave his all to Kyungsoo. After dinner, Jongin went home only to sneak out for the second time in his life. That night, Kyungsoo was gentle and treated Jongin as if he was as delicate and fragile as a rose. Kyungsoo’s every action was considered carefully as he tended to Jongin’s wants and responded to all of the younger’s cues. A soft pink still tints Jongin’s cheeks whenever he thinks back to the sweet nothings Kyungsoo had whispered into his ears and the promises of forever that Kyungsoo had peppered all over his body.

 

 

“Hey, what do you think happens to you after you die?”  
  
Kyungsoo’s eyes remain transfixed on the sheet music in his hands, lips forming a playful smirk as he replies to yet another one of Jongin’s silly questions.  
  
“You rot.”

 

 

It turns out Kyungsoo was wrong. Kyungsoo leaves Jongin behind two days before their third anniversary. Kyungsoo had smoothed out the crinkles on Jongin’s face and kissed him goodbye multiple times before getting into his car. As Jongin waved goodbye to Kyungsoo, he had to remind himself that Kyungsoo would only be away for a week to attend his audition for Berklee. This audition meant the world to Kyungsoo. Jongin could take care of himself for seven days. He took care of himself just fine before he met Kyungsoo. He’ll be okay. Jongin was disappointed that they’d be missing their third anniversary, but it wasn’t like they couldn’t celebrate it afterwards. They couldn’t. “I love you Jongin, I’ll be back soon okay?” Those were Kyungsoo’s last words to Jongin and they repeat like a mantra in Jongin’s head. This isn’t fair. Jongin’s eyes fill to the brim with tears as he watches Kyungsoo’s coffin get pushed into the cremator. The door slams shut and Jongin feels his pulse race. The machine then proceeds to churn and Jongin feels the muscles in his body tense up. Jongin is told to leave as the incinerator would take a couple hours to heat up and clenches his hands. He nods in understanding and breaks down the moment he steps outside. The voices of the people talking around him are too loud. He can’t breathe. Kyungsoo. His Kyungsoo. His perfect Kyungsoo. Gone.


End file.
